最近老师被问到这样一个
托福写作文段。
Some people think that if companies prohibit sending email to staff on weekends or during other time out of office hours, staff’s dissatisfaction with their companies will decrease. Others think that will not reduce the overall dissatisfaction among staff.
“Initially, no emails on vocation allows staff to improve their body health by exercising in gyms or parks ”
- No + 名词复数 , 谓语动词也应该是复数。allows-->allow
- 身体健康,应该是: physical health
- ---Thus 是副词,不能连接2个句子. parks thus they --> parks. Thus, they ....
“Initially, no emails on vocation allows staff to improve their health health by exercising in gyms or parks ”
“起初,假期没有邮件会让员工提升身体健康,通过在健身房或者公园锻炼。”假期没有邮件-->通过在健身房或者公园锻炼-->让员工提升健康.1.“假期没有邮件”,并不能直接导致 “员工在健身房或者公园锻炼”。 没有邮件的打扰-->员工们就不必依然久坐在办公桌前工作处理邮件-->就有时间去休息放松--> 因此,提升了他们的身体健康。2. 其次,休息放松的方式有很多种 。员工们还可以去看电影,去睡觉,去购物… 并不会必然导致,员工们去健身。假期没有邮件--> 就不会占据他们本来可以用来休息时间,比如健身,好好睡觉等。-->这样,有利于他们的身体健康.No mails on vacations allow staff to improve their physical health by leaving them abundant leisure time to take a complete rest(好好休息), such as jogging in the park or having a sound sleep.……by not occupying their leisure time to ….3. 从这一句的 "health" 再推论到 “导致员工acquire ethusiasm... ”又是一大步逻辑跳跃了。老师在这篇推送中就不再累述了。1. Holidays reduce stress, and in the long run, stress makes workers less likely to perform well. It also means workers get more sleep by escaping the tyranny of the early-morning alarm. 《经济学人--写作团day8》Holidays --> workers escape the tyranny of the early-morning alarm -->get more sleep.
假期--> 员工才能逃脱清晨残酷的闹铃-->能多睡一会。 2. China’s live-streaming sensation fueled an unprecedented boom since 2016 for some Chinese social media platforms turn young millennials into millionaires by broadcasting their daily lives.几个中国社交平台-->让年轻的千禧一代通过直播他们自己的日常生活-->变成了百万富翁。四. 我们再继续深挖一下,为什么有的同学会写出这样的文段了?主要原因是:逻辑太跳跃了。展开中全是一个一个观点堆砌,而缺乏对观点的有效支撑。读者/考官很难follow。托福写作很多问题不是语法的锅。就算语法没问题,用词搭配也正确了。但是分数也不高。